2012/2013

So is this considered post apocalyptic because we got through the Mayan end of the world thing?

Okay, this is such a late post and considerably so because it’s already 5 days into 2013 (wuuuut!), and seriously, note to myself: thank yous are done typically as it ends. I’m sorry 2012 for keeping you waiting and THANK YOU not because you are over, but because you’ve been a sweetheart.

I feel as if 2012 is the most unique year so far not in the sense that it had given me plenty privileges (I hardly travelled – it feels like I studied all year!), yet it was teeming with experiences that took me to new heights (and sometimes valleys) in my walk with God. In the everyday things, there were so many lessons I started to understand about myself, relationships, convictions, and more than anything, who God is – not only in my life but AS WHO HE IS. I greatly owe this past year a huge thank you banner and streamers for the testings I’ve had – they sucked sometimes, during the moment, but like what they say you get refined by fire. But no, Peeta, that doesn’t include pearls from coals.

2012 was a year of ‘No’s, which sounds like it sucked if you see it in that way. I prayed for a lot of things that I didn’t see fulfilled. I had a lot of hopes that fell through. I don’t believe in unanswered prayers; people say God answers in ‘Yes’, ‘Wait’, and ‘No’. The Bible says that all the promises of God are Yes and Amen in Christ. I didn’t see much of ‘yes’ the past year, yet ultimately, God’s resounding YES is there – not in the event that I get what I want, but in the revelation that the things I wanted weren’t good for me, and in His hands He’s holding something better. In the waiting, hoping, crushing pain of non-fulfillment, God’s promise remains: He is good, and He has perfect plans. The unexpected answers I got stung; but the presence of God through all of those experiences is sweet balm.

The past year is a walk in blind faith, literally not knowing where to go (and for a paranoid like me, how to get there). This was the fork in the road that separates dreams and realities, where anything is possible, where I was starting at zero and I could be anything I wanted – I only need to choose wisely. There were a lot of them, all difficult, and most importantly there were no tick boxes from letters A to D. ย I was left to choose between compromising convenience and tenacious convictions. I passed some, I failed some, yet I thank God that He doesn’t give up on me upon a detour or a wrong turn – there is a rebuilding, going on inside of me. 2012 tore down walls and demolished old strongholds inside me.

Some thoughts I cherished at the end of the year and will be sure to carry over this 2013 is this: I won’t ask God anymore for the instant answers because He is THE ANSWER. I won’t ask Him that He gives me good things because He is the good thing. I won’t ask Him for the path, but for Him to be my guide and take me there. Taking care that prayers are defined by the Giver and not the gift, I think God taught me that by not getting the answers to my prayers I was driven instead to seek Him and learn for myself that He continues to be faithful, come what may (with Ewan McGregor/Nicole Kidman singing in the background). God never dangles His promises in front of us and then takes it back – like what I sometimes do with our fat cat and his dinner until he gets annoyed – guess Cat and I are one in saying thank God I’m NOT God.ย The other thought is that I’ve learned to be more appreciative of my family and friends in the midst of the daily challenges I faced. It just isn’t possible to look at my family now and not see God’s goodness overflowing in the quirks and weirdnesses we have with each other. We’re broken in so many ways; but the way that God has placed us together is one of the greatest wonders I have had. Some people like to think that families are the only ones you own that you can’t replace. I’m lucky enough to say that I would never have traded them for anyone else. The same goes for my adoptive family…crazy varied and oddly different we may all be in terms of life, status, culture and taste, I am incredibly proud of my brilliant, crazy and incredibly fluffy-fuzzy loving friends.

With that, I officially welcome the new year. I am grateful for 2012 and I welcome 2013 being fully expectant that it won’t be easy, yet it will be a very fruitful year. The rebuilding’s not done yet! There’s so much to learn and so much to witness from God. Happy New Year (day Five!)!!

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